1963/64 provided an enormous turning point in my life. At that point I was an adrenalin filled bag of hormones that was scared of only one thing on Earth, GIRLS. I couldn't talk with them, touch one or even accept amiably when one tried to approach me. In short, I was the product of a good catholic education.
My last class of the day was Freshman English. I found myself deposited between three of the loveliest girls in the frosh class. In my later life this would be called "introducing a climate sufficient to induce destabilising behaviours". Panic or Terror work quite well too.
To my left was Anne, beautiful and from an extremely wealthy Hollywood family. Behind me was Debbie, the primary squeeze for one of the Mexican gang leaders. And on my right was Linda, beautiful, newly arrived from Vancouver and the immediate replacement for my heart.
I tried and tried to talk with her. In retrospect I'm fairly sure she liked me too. She would stand out on the grass, watching me at PE. She proposed that I walk her home, rather than catching the bus. She hung around the quad, waiting walk with me to my next class.
The more demonstrative she became, the more scared I became. I wanted to tell her how I felt so badly my throat burned. But I was too scared.
Then somewhere along the line, I noticed I wasn't see her as much. I think she gave up on me. I didn't know what to do about it. How do you get back a girlfriend you never had?
Finally, one day at school, I spotted her sitting alone on a bench in the quad. I decided then and there to tell her how I felt. I walked over, sat down, looked into her eyes and was told "Go away!".
Within a month I was in a different school.
Why is losing a girlfriend I never had a pivot point?
If I had had the courage to talk to her a month earlier the map of my life could have been very different. She was a Canadian pacifist so I probably would not have joined the Army. If I hadn't joined the Army I would never have met mom.
So as it turns out, telling me to "Go Away" was probably the biggest favour she could have done for me.
